Also, I like how you added paragraphs in this one, but you still had that massive chunk of an ending, Try splitting it up and adding more detail.«12» 6 comments«12»anonymous readerReport 2011-08-10 23:05:17As they say more please!!!anonymous readerReport 2010-09-15 09:35:32This is a great story!! It kind of sounds like a middle schooler is writing it a bit. XXX Hot HD Sorry if that’s a bit harsh. Please tell us more.klaxxReport 2009-02-02 22:11:59″TO BE CONTINUDE” *snork*
Sounds like Engrish.READERReport 2008-02-25 19:18:18Wow terrible i cant even read it its called paraghraphs. … It kind of sounds like a middle schooler is writing it a bit. Please tell us more.klaxxReport 2009-02-02 22:11:59″TO BE CONTINUDE” *snork*
Sounds like Engrish.READERReport 2008-02-25 19:18:18Wow terrible i cant even read it its called paraghraphs. … It kind of sounds like a middle schooler is writing it a bit. It kind of sounds like a middle schooler is writing it a bit.
